Assertiveness

 

“No, I cannot help you, I am not available then,” but in my mind I am saying, I will not do that again. You stepped upon me once before and left me injured there. I will not be in that place again, although you say you care.

Assertiveness is a skill that I am learning how to use. It gives my heart protection and keeps me from being used. It means that I will say how I feel at the time the event takes place rather than waiting and trying to please, or rather than saving face.

“Do you have a minute? We need to talk,” I said to my colleague and friend. “Just a moment, I’ll be right there,” she said as she rounded the bend. We went into a private room and there discussed the scene that had unfolded just moments before leaving me embarrassed, it seemed.

“You say I did this thing to you, you may feel rightly so,” but in my mind I am saying, your choices you made, you know. I cannot take the credit for making you what you are. The things that you have done before are bringing you this far.

I will stand and hold my ground; I am just as important as you. I need to not cower or run and hide, to myself, I will be true. For I am strong, and I am free, to choose how I want to live. And God, He will be with me. For me, new life He did give.

Stuck

 

I don’t know what to do. Nothing is working out for me right now. No matter which way I turn, things keep getting worse. I feel like I am in a hole, and it is getting deeper and deeper. When will it ever end?

Surely, I am suffering because I don’t deserve anything better. If I would have been a different person, then I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be having these problems right now. It is all my fault.

At night I toss and turn, my head filled with images of the things I could have done or should have done. I cannot rest. I hurt all over. I want to go back to bed, but I can’t. I have things to do…places to go…people to see... I am exhausted.

 I feel like I am lost in a desert. I cannot get relief for my incessant thirst.  I don’t have any water and there is none around me. I am hot and dry, and there is no shade in which to cool myself. The sun is scorching me and there is no relief.

Something has got to change. I know what I cannot do. I cannot change the past. What has happened has happened. If only I could turn back the hands of time, I could make things different. But, alas, that is not possible.

I cannot change the actions of others. They have made their own choices just as I have. I cannot force them to change, nor can I change their past. I cannot change how they treat me, or what they do as a result of my foolishness.

What can I do? First and foremost, I can accept who and what I am. Ripping myself to pieces will not get me anywhere. Crying just makes my head hurt. Anger is no better; all it does is dredge up the past. Yes, I have weaknesses, but I also have strengths.

I can look to my God for help. He is my rock, my guide, and my stay. He loves me, no matter what I have done, no matter where I end up. He gave his life on the cross for me, little old foolish, insignificant me. He died that I might live.

I will live for Him. I will work for Him. I will praise the new beginning I have each day because of Him. I will look at others needs and help fulfill them because I know that is what He would have me to do. I know that He is with me now, and always will be, forever and forever!

Moving Mountains

 

I cannot move this mountain, Lord; it is way too deep, too wide. I’ve toiled until my bones do ache, ‘til way past eventide. I cannot go around, dear Lord, a chasm is in the way. There is no bridge for me to cross, no ferry in the bay.

I cannot climb, it is way too steep, the rock face sheer and bare. There are no trees for me to grasp, no foot holes anywhere. How can I fill this mission, Lord, for I am but a man? My strength is not enough, dear Lord, I need a helping hand.

Oh, my son, you did not hear, when I called for help today. You were too busy toiling to hold a light and show the way. You were more concerned about the matters nigh at hand, the mountain right in front of you, than the needs of your fellow man.

How can I lend a hand to you when you have turned your back on those who need my love through you, who daily needs do lack? Go and serve them, then come back, and you will surely see, that we can move this mountain together, you and me.

I left my shovel at my feet and went away from the mountainside. I found another I could help on my way home that eventide. I saw them rested and refreshed and encouraged them to see the light at the end of the tunnel, for He said, “Come, follow me.”

As I turned to leave the simple words came ringing in my ears, “What can I do to help you, you’ve been so kind all of these years.” “I’m trying to move a mountain,” I said with faltering tone, “But it really is not important, I just can’t do it alone.”

“Let us go together,” he said, “There is still hope. I’ll bring a spade, a ladder, and plenty of braided rope.” Once again, the mountain we faced, but this time with the strength of ten. The Lord, me, and my brother, but now, for the salvation of men!

It’s Easy

It’s easy to feel bad when things go wrong and we realize we made a mistake in a song or said something stupid or clicked on that file and the consequences seem to go on for a mile.

It’s easy to think we’re not good enough and that we really do not have the right stuff to become what we were meant to be, to give of ourselves, to go forward, be free.

It’s easy to frown and turn anger within when we realize that we have committed a sin and someone is hurt or defeated in soul because we were not with it, in part or in whole.

It’s easy to cry when our weaknesses scream and everything comes apart at the seams, when little things tower and are huge in form and we know that we have stepped outside of the norm.

It’s easy to feel all alone in the night when there’s no place to turn and we’re frozen with fright, when life seems so hard and there's no place to hide, and morning is a long way from eventide.

It’s easy to fall on our knees in prayer when our pride has tumbled and is no longer there, to raise our voices and hope for the love that we know only comes from the realms up above.

It’s easy to place at his nail-pierced feet the burden too heavy for our faltering feet, to think that perhaps we can make amends after wondering abroad around life's many bends.

It’s easy to look up into his face and hope that he’ll give his amazing grace, in spite of our weakness; in spite of our sin, he’ll open his arms and wrap us within.

It’s easy to stand by his side once again, and shoulder the yoke that he shares with all men, to keep us going when the times are tough, helping us climb the hills that are rough.

It’s easy to feel indescribable joy when we know that he loves every girl, every boy, for heaven is where he is today, our Savior, Redeemer, our friend come what may.

Unexpected

 

The knock came unexpectedly. I really didn’t hear. But when it came again, I knew, it sounded much more near. I looked out through the window, not knowing who I’d see and there were four big fear filled eyes looking back at me.

I quickly opened up the door and asked what I could do. The girls said they were playing ball, and in my yard it flew. “Will you please get it for us, and then we will be gone. We’ll be more careful next time, our grandma’s watching on.”

I told the girls to go on back and get the ball themselves. I gestured to the path to take, they ran like little elves. I went back to the other side, my feelings in suspense, and noticed grandma standing there, beside the neighbor’s fence.

I went outside to greet her. She apologized and smiled. We shook hands and exchanged our names, our information filed. I assured the girls and her right there that if they needed to, they could come into the yard for ball, or bat or shoe.   

As I walked back into the house, I hung my head and sighed. They’d lived there now for quite some time, my neighbor’s home inside. We had seen each other once or twice but never really known the truth about each other, or seeds of friendship sewn.

How things can change so easily, in a moment that is gone. The unexpected turns us round and we find we’re not alone. There are others all around us who need a helping hand. As we reach out to them, the dove of peace will land.

Lifeguard

 

I feel so alone. There are people, activities, and things all around me, and yet, my heart cries out, consumed with an emptiness that I can’t define or even begin to understand.

Why do I feel this way? Could it be that I am looking too far into the future? I know that there will come a time when those that I love will crumble to the dust, and I will be bereft of their company.  Or is it simply that they are not with me now, and I miss them terribly?

Is my current position of solitude a problem? Here I sit on a single tower, drinking in the freedom others enjoy and yet, is that what I really want? There is so much of me waiting, hoping that there is something more.

I start new relationships, pursue new passions, and dream new dreams, only to have them peter out and fall by the wayside. I return once again to where I am, empty and alone. Will it always be this way? Was there a time I looked forward to waking in the morning, eager to greet the new day, refreshed and ready to go forward? I don’t remember.

Life has simply been one more day, one more round of noise and confusion, one more time when my presence is needed. And yet my heart is left behind, lurking in the shadows…waiting. I always seem to be waiting for something, somewhere else that I can be.

I am in a constant state of anticipation. Like the paramedic on call, any moment the beeper will sound, and my heart will leap into action. I am poised, ready to help, ready to defend, and ready to move in an effort to save yet another person from drowning in the water before me.

Unfazed by the danger at hand, I throw myself into the brink, employing every muscle and sinew to reach them before it is too late. I surround them with the lifeline of my unconditional love, allow them to rely on my strength, and struggle with them as they make their way to the shore. We embrace, a moment of gratitude is shared, and they move on.

I watch them as they fade into the distance, marveling at the miracle that just occurred. There is nothing like being at the right place at the right time, for a life spared is a family saved from being dashed to pieces and left to wallow in misery. In that brief moment, my purpose is fulfilled. My loneliness is gone, and I am content.

If Only

 

If only we could stop the world and get off for a day, then maybe we could take a break from life’s continuous fray. We could breathe a sigh and take a look at things we just don’t see, and perhaps become the people we were really meant to be.

We could rewind time and change our past to a more desirable state and erase some things that were said and done that really were not first rate. We could lay a firm foundation and vanquish every foe. We could change the future and the past with what we do now know.

If only it were possible, we’d have a second chance. We would be more happy, we could really sing and dance. Then when the world began again, we’d be in a different place. Life would be more pleasant, we could keep a different pace.

But alas, it is not possible. We are where we are now. We are the sum and differential of our past mistakes somehow. We cannot take away what was, it’s the road on which we stand. The future is yet before us, changing like the shifting sand.

What will it take to get our feet back on the solid ground? The world may keep on turning, but our choices come around. Each moment that we breathe, we really have a second chance; each day a new beginning, another song, another dance.

We have within each one of us our eyes with which to see, hands and feet that feel and touch, and ears, we all agree. We can choose a different way, and walk the better road. We do not have to wait until the world ends, we are told.

We do not know how long we have left here upon this earth. One day, indeed, the world will stop; we’ll experience a new birth. We will leave behind all that we know and go to the great beyond. Our eyes will then be opened, like the wave of a magic wand.

Our Maker will encircle us in the arms of His great love, and we will hear the echoes of the choirs up above. We will look down to the earth we left and wonder then once more, why we didn’t see things differently, and head for a brighter shore.