I don’t know what to
do. Nothing is working out for me right now. No matter which way I turn, things
keep getting worse. I feel like I am in a hole, and it is getting deeper and
deeper. When will it ever end?
Surely, I am suffering
because I don’t deserve anything better. If I would have been a different
person, then I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be having these
problems right now. It is all my fault.
At night I toss and
turn, my head filled with images of the things I could have done or should have
done. I cannot rest. I hurt all over. I want to go back to bed, but I can’t. I
have things to do…places to go…people to see... I am exhausted.
I feel like I am
lost in a desert. I cannot get relief for my incessant thirst. I don’t
have any water and there is none around me. I am hot and dry, and there is no
shade in which to cool myself. The sun is scorching me and there is no relief.
Something has got to
change. I know what I cannot do. I cannot change the past. What has happened
has happened. If only I could turn back the hands of time, I could make things
different. But, alas, that is not possible.
I cannot change the
actions of others. They have made their own choices just as I have. I cannot
force them to change, nor can I change their past. I cannot change how they
treat me, or what they do as a result of my foolishness.
What can I do? First
and foremost, I can accept who and what I am. Ripping myself to pieces will not
get me anywhere. Crying just makes my head hurt. Anger is no better; all it
does is dredge up the past. Yes, I have weaknesses, but I also have strengths.
I can look to my God
for help. He is my rock, my guide, and my stay. He loves me, no matter what I
have done, no matter where I end up. He gave his life on the cross for me,
little old foolish, insignificant me. He died that I might live.
I will live for Him. I
will work for Him. I will praise the new beginning I have each day because of
Him. I will look at others needs and help fulfill them because I know that is
what He would have me to do. I know that He is with me now, and always will be,
forever and forever!
