Self-Inflicting Emotional Pain

 

“I knew it was over. There was nothing more I could do. I had to walk away. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done. I cried and cried for days!”

Emotional pain is worse than physical pain. When we feel physical pain, we can do something about it. We clean the wound, put on some sterile dressing, and give it some time to heal. Whether it is a muscle cramp, a broken bone, or a laceration, there is a remedy that will facilitate the healing process.

Heartache is different

The pain of heartache goes into our very soul. Our hopes and dreams have been dashed to pieces. Like Humpty Dumpty falling off the wall, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put him back together again! When the heart breaks, we lose a part of ourselves.

Our first response is to blame, criticize, or condemn. First, we turn against the person who is gone. When we realize that doesn’t solve the problem, we turn on ourselves. We argue that we deserve it, for surely we are not good enough! Isn't that why our loved one is no longer with us?

Heartache is like a knife opening up our inner being. We feel vulnerable and find ourselves susceptible to every look and comment. In order to mask the vulnerability, we put on a show of self-depreciation. We adopt self-defeating behaviors. We sleep in, overeat, withholding positive self-talk, and make ourselves do things that are difficult, scary, and even downright cruel!

We think that if we inflict enough emotional pain on ourselves, either we will feel better or perhaps someone will come to our rescue. They will feel sorry for us, bind up our wounds, and give us the love that we desperately need. Unfortunately, these types of relationships don't solve heartaches, they create more of them!

Healing is possible

“One day while I was lying in bed, nursing my heartache and waiting for the world to end, I heard a knock above my head. I looked up, but there was nothing on the headboard that could have fallen to make the sound. I knew it was God. He was telling me, 'Get up! Stop moping around and do something!'”

Although time may assuage the pain, a heartache does not heal itself. The heart is the very center of the soul, it is the connecting link between the spirit and the body. The person we love becomes a part of us. When they leave, we feel a deep sense of loss, and the pain is unbearable.

The only way to fill the hole left by a heartache is to turn to God. This requires that we become humble, willing, obedient, and serve others. These qualities are only obtained by growing closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ, and accepting his atoning sacrifice on our behalf.

Humility

The pain of the heartache brings us to our knees. We realize our dependence upon God and acknowledge that we cannot overcome this difficulty on our own. We need him to help us. We give him our burden of weakness and imperfection and express our desire to be healed.

Willingness

We accept our imperfect state and open our minds and hearts to God’s healing power. We give all that we have and are to him in exchange for his unconditional love. Our souls are bathed with the peace “which passeth all understanding” (Philippians 4:7 KJV). We know that Jesus Christ sacrificed himself for us individually.

Obedience

We feel a sense of newness. In spite of the loss of our loved one, we feel whole and complete once again. The pain and bitterness of the heartache are gone. We show our gratitude to God by taking his hand and walking with him, knowing, that no matter what happens, he is there for us.

Service

Our feelings of love for others increase and we desire to help those that are in pain. We find ways to give that help fill the emptiness that our heartache left behind and feel a renewed sense of purpose, joy, and happiness in life.

Heartaches don’t have to be the end of the world. They are simply one more way for us to return to “that God who gave us life” (Harold B. Lee). As we do so, we find that there are many others who walk the same path, and that we can be instruments in God’s hands to help them, for your emotional health!