News flash:
“Shooter enters shopping mall and opens fire. Thirty-seven dead,
many others wounded.”
“Entire family killed in head-on collision. Accident caused by
intoxicated driver. He survives.”
“Woman found dead in apartment. Investigation reveals cause as
suicide.”
“Hurricane wipes out entire village. Hundreds left homeless.”
With mass shootings reported in the media regularly, the chances that someone we love will be torn by tragedy increases daily. Add
to it the deaths by suicide, drunk driving, airplane crashes, and natural
disasters, and the odds increase dramatically.
What will we do when we receive that phone call, text, or knock on
the door telling us that someone we love is no longer with us? How will we
respond when one of our own is hurting? In the midst of our shock, disbelief
and horror, we know we need to act, but how? The acronym COMPASSION gives us 10
ways we can be of assistance:
C – Come now!
When tragedy strikes someone we love, our immediate response is
crucial. Our presence is a calming influence. We provide a sense of stability
while the rest of the world is crashing down around them.
O – Open your mouth
Simplicity is the key to our words, since they will make our break
our relationship with those that are hurting. There are three basic messages we
want to give:
- We love
- We care about
what is happening to
- We will help you through this difficulty.
M – Monitor daily activities
During a tragedy, daily routines are interrupted. The focus on
personal health and well-being is lost in lieu of the logistics surrounding the
present circumstances. Our job is to make sure that our loved ones have
nutritious meals, plenty of rest, and remember necessary medical protocol.
P – Pray for all involved in the tragedy
Praying for our loved ones helps them feel peace in the midst of
the storm. Our prayers in their presence bear testimony that we know God will
be there for them. It also gives them the reminder that they can pray on their
own for needed comfort, peace, and guidance.
A – Ask the hard questions
Sometimes it is necessary to ask difficult questions. Tragedy
leaves families in a state of shock. We may think of something that needs to be
done that may have been overlooked. Asking about the issue brings it to their
attention, and gives us the opportunity to help resolve the issue with them.
S – Smile
Tragedy takes away our reasons to smile. Making the effort to put
both corners of the mouth upward at the right moment lightens the atmosphere
and gives us permission to find humor in a difficult situation. Laughter
releases valuable feel good hormones in our brains, a sorely needed momentary
benefit.
S – Share positive memories
When the family is ready to talk about their loved one’s past, we
can help them bring back positive memories by sharing photos and reminiscing.
Allowing ourselves this respite from the past gives us a better perspective in
the present.
I – Ignore little offences
Be careful not to take offence if things are said or done that
grate on the nerves. When tragedy is raw, people sometimes do not think before
they speak. Decisions are made that just don’t make sense. Toes get stepped
on and feelings are hurt. Don’t dwell on it. Let it go.
O – Offer options to explore
Adjustments must be made in order for life to go on after a tragedy.
Allow people to explore and offer possibilities to consider. At first, when
anger and frustration are high, options may seem extreme. This is normal. As
things settle down, more reasonable thinking returns.
N – Never give up
The grieving process takes time. Everyone goes about it in their
own way. Our grief may take a different course than that of those we love. That
is okay. Continuing to help them work through it helps us to work through our
own.
Compassion is simply emotional first aid. When we keep in mind
that love is constant, we help those we care about in ways that bring relief to
their suffering and peace to our own souls. After all, that is what the life of
our Savior was all about!
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