Ten Ways to Help Others When Tragedy Strikes

 

News flash:

“Shooter enters shopping mall and opens fire. Thirty-seven dead, many others wounded.”

“Entire family killed in head-on collision. Accident caused by intoxicated driver. He survives.”

“Woman found dead in apartment. Investigation reveals cause as suicide.”

“Hurricane wipes out entire village. Hundreds left homeless.”

With mass shootings reported in the media regularly, the chances that someone we love will be torn by tragedy increases daily. Add to it the deaths by suicide, drunk driving, airplane crashes, and natural disasters, and the odds increase dramatically.

What will we do when we receive that phone call, text, or knock on the door telling us that someone we love is no longer with us? How will we respond when one of our own is hurting? In the midst of our shock, disbelief and horror, we know we need to act, but how? The acronym COMPASSION gives us 10 ways we can be of assistance:

C – Come now!

When tragedy strikes someone we love, our immediate response is crucial. Our presence is a calming influence. We provide a sense of stability while the rest of the world is crashing down around them.

O – Open your mouth

Simplicity is the key to our words, since they will make our break our relationship with those that are hurting. There are three basic messages we want to give:

1. We love you.
2. We care about what is happening to you.
3. We will help you through this difficulty.

M – Monitor daily activities

During a tragedy, daily routines are interrupted. The focus on personal health and well-being is lost in lieu of the logistics surrounding the present circumstances. Our job is to make sure that our loved ones have nutritious meals, plenty of rest, and remember necessary medical protocol. 

P – Pray for all involved in the tragedy

Praying for our loved ones helps them feel peace in the midst of the storm. Our prayers in their presence bear testimony that we know God will be there for them. It also gives them the reminder that they can pray on their own for needed comfort, peace, and guidance.

A – Ask the hard questions

Sometimes it is necessary to ask difficult questions. Tragedy leaves families in a state of shock. We may think of something that needs to be done that may have been overlooked. Asking about the issue brings it to their attention, and gives us the opportunity to help resolve the issue with them.

S – Smile

Tragedy takes away our reasons to smile. Making the effort to put both corners of the mouth upward at the right moment lightens the atmosphere and gives us permission to find humor in a difficult situation. Laughter releases valuable feel good hormones in our brains, a sorely needed momentary benefit.

S – Share positive memories

When the family is ready to talk about their loved one’s past, we can help them bring back positive memories by sharing photos and reminiscing. Allowing ourselves this respite from the past gives us a better perspective in the present. 

I – Ignore little offences

Be careful not to take offence if things are said or done that grate on the nerves. When tragedy is raw, people sometimes do not think before they speak. Decisions are made that just don’t make sense. Toes get stepped on and feelings are hurt. Don’t dwell on it. Let it go.

O – Offer options to explore

Adjustments must be made in order for life to go on after a tragedy. Allow people to explore and offer possibilities to consider. At first, when anger and frustration are high, options may seem extreme. This is normal. As things settle down, more reasonable thinking returns.

N – Never give up

The grieving process takes time. Everyone goes about it in their own way. Our grief may take a different course than that of those we love. That is okay. Continuing to help them work through it helps us to work through our own.

Compassion is simply emotional first aid. When we keep in mind that love is constant, we help those we care about in ways that bring relief to their suffering and peace to our own souls. After all, that is what the life of our Savior was all about!

Weeds

 

Thorns, thistles, crab grass, and oh, yes, creeping Jenny, or morning glory. Let’s see, what other names can I find for it, that weed that winds around the other plants and chokes them to death before it can even be seen!

There it is, sticking its tendrils up above the caragana. They call it the “hedge bindweed.” That’s just what it does! It binds the plants so they can’t grow right. If I follow it down to the roots, maybe I can get rid of it. Oh, no! There is another one, and another! Will I ever get rid of this insidious predator?!

What, it has flowers? You mean something so unsightly and annoying has a redeeming quality? How can it be? The article I read says that I must be vigilant if I want to get rid of this plague. Ok. I will check the hedge each time I water the garden. Let’s see, that will be every other day, all summer long!

If I add that to everything else I am doing, the washing, the cleaning, the visiting, the taking care of the sick and infirm, the supporting of my spouse and children in their endeavors, and last, but certainly not least, taking care of my own needs. The list keeps getting longer and longer!

Oh, Lord, help me! I can’t do this alone! It is too hard! It takes too long! There is too much to do! I am overwhelmed at the very thought of it! I will never be able to have the strength to do all that needs to be done!

Oh, my precious child, you were never meant to do it alone. I am here. I will always be with you! My angels will be round about you to bear you up. They will go before you to prepare the way. They will be by your side watching over you and aiding your every step. They will come after you to soften the blows of your learning processes.

Lean on me. Learn of me. Love me! For I love you! I always have and I always will! You are never alone!

Money is not for Spending

 

“Money is not for spending” the headline screamed. Intrigued by the seeming misnomer, I dove into the article. Financial management skills had never been one of my strengths, and I was eager to learn. By the time I reached the end of the article, I had a firm understanding of this principle.

Where does money come from?

Money is a natural resource, just water and land. It is already a part of the earth. We obtain money by tapping into the economic cycle that already exists. It has three key components:

·         Obtaining raw materials and turning them into products

·         The sale and distribution of products to consumers

·         Providing consumer services

What do we do with our money?

Once we obtain money, our financial management skills provide us with a blue-print for its use.  This is done through the following step-by-step process:

1.       Put the money in a safe place

We put our money in a financial institution that provides banking services, including (but not limited to) checking, savings, money market, debit cards, credit cards, and bill paying services, along with protection of our assets.

2.       Give a percentage to charity

Giving back to society through charitable donations creates an attitude of gratitude. When we give, we are more likely to care about those who are in less desirable circumstances. Setting aside a certain amount each month for giving puts us in a position to be an asset rather than a liability.

3.       Set aside a suitable amount for future needs

Creating a nest egg of funds allows us to make major purchases without incurring debt. We use these funds for such things as appliances, home repairs, school tuition, and vehicles. The more we set aside, the sooner we are ready for the unexpected.

4.       Take care of essential expenses

Pay the “bills” first. Expenses for such things as a place to live, electricity, running water, and transportation usually come in the form of monthly statements. Paying these expenses on-time increases our credit rating and gives us financial security.

5.       Budget wants carefully

The remainder of our money is allocated for food, clothing, communication, entertainment, and other personal and family desires. Keeping these expenses within reasonable limits allows us to have discretionary funds for the things that we really want.

How do we control spending?

Our financial management skills are tested regularly when we enter the market place. Advertisers know that spending money is an emotional experience, and they do everything they can to get us to make the decision to open our wallets.

If we decide ahead of time what we will purchase, how much we will spend, and when we will walk away, we can get out of the store and back home with money still in our pockets. Remember, there is always a sale, and if we don’t find what we are looking for today, chances are, we will find it later.

The important lesson that I learned from the article was that money is not for spending! Money is a resource at our disposal. Our efforts to conserve it will bring great dividends. When properly managed, money is an asset that will take us into a productive and promising future!

Pain

 

Like fingers of fire shooting through my veins, the pain comes around again and again. How can I make it through this day when the pain I feel never goes away? How can I rest when the night comes around when my heart cries out and my agony abounds?

Like a hammer pounding upon my bones, the throbbing pain makes me writhe and groan. I shift my position or change my chair hoping the pain just won’t be there, but no matter what I seem to do, it follows me the whole day through!

Like a vice grip squeezing around my head, the pain and the pressure fill me with dread. I wish that the world would just go away, then I wouldn’t have to endure today. Dear Lord, please help me, I cannot go on! Take this pain away! Oh, Thy will be done!

Then to my mind’s eye there comes anew Christ carrying His cross with Calvary in view. They laid him down on the beams that day to end his mortal tabernacle of clay. Oh, how can I witness this awful scene? Please spare me, Lord, wipe the slate clean!

They spread out his hands and they pierced them there. The fingers of fire, Him did not spare. They nailed his feet to the cross and again, the throbbing pain through his bones did send. The crown of thorns slammed upon his brow, a vice grip the pain must have been, and how!

My heart cries out and the teardrops fall. He died for me! For one and for all! He knows how I feel, the tears that I’ve cried, the long lonely nights and the things that I’ve tried! And still He says, “Come, follow me, I will take you there, then set you free.”

Forgive me, Lord, for my complaints this day. You have suffered much more than I can ever say! I thank Thee for giving Thy life for me. I can go on now. Yes, I have strength, I see. The pain that I feel for a moment is gone, because of the war you have fought and won!

Five Steps for Mending a Broken Relationship

 

Communication is the stuff of which relationships are made. We send messages back and forth for the relaying of information, sharing of feelings, and working through difficulties. These messages are sent and received through words, looks, facial expressions, body language, and the tone of our voice.

When communication ceases, we consider our relationship to be “broken.” Perhaps we said or did something that offended the other party, or an event occurred that lead them to believe that our relationship was no longer desirable. The resulting “silent treatment” breeds misunderstanding and distrust.

The problem only escalates when we make assumptions about what the other party is thinking and feeling based on their body language and the current circumstances. In order to bridge the communication gap that has occurred and mend our broken relationship, we need patience and understanding. The following five steps give us a pattern to follow:

Step One: Express Concern

We express concern by approaching the other person in a spirit of reconciliation. We engage in eye contact, and get in close proximity, then let them know that we notice that something is amiss in the relationship, but we aren’t sure what. We value them as a person, and miss the interaction previously enjoyed. We are willing to do what is necessary to re-establish communication.

Step Two: Listen Without Judgment

When we let others know that we care for them, we are opening the door for them to share their deepest feelings with us. Since we don’t know what has caused the rift, we must prepare ourselves for the worst. The silence was like a dam holding back some strong negative feelings. Our ability to listen without passing judgement enables them to tell their story. We show them that we care by listening to what they have to say without stepping in to fix the problem. 

Step Three: Reflect Back to Indicate Understanding.

Like a mirror, we reflect back the feelings or summarize the experience that they have just shared with us. As we do so, we validate them as a person, and let them know that it is okay for them to feel this way. They realize that we understand what they are saying and feeling and accept them as an individual. Our validation gives them additional feelings of self-worth. We let them know that they are important to us and that what is happening in their lives is worth taking the time to know and understand. We deepen our relationship by being trustworthy.

Step Four: Support Them While They Work Through the Problem

Once we have listened to their story, it is our job to provide support while they come up with a plan of action. We do this be continuing to reflect back what they are saying. Allowing them to process through the difficulty and come up with a proposed plan of action giving them a positive resolution to the experience. The worst thing we can do at this point is to tell them what they should do. That would close the communication door very quickly and put us at odds in our relationship again. They need to figure things out on their own and come up with a solution. Our job is to simply provide strength and support.

Step Five: Leave the Door Open for Future Contact

Once they have come up with a plan of action, we can help them to be accountable for it by encouraging them to call and let us know what happens or saying that we will see them in a particular day or time. We may even want to provide some sort of incentive for them to complete the plan by offering to take them out to dinner or doing something desirable together when they have finished the project.

Each time we open the door of communication that someone else has closed, we are being proactive in strengthening our relationship and giving others a reason to call us a friend. The time we take to provide this type of emotional first aid will be a boon to us when we are need of someone to talk with about the issues we are having in our lives!

Ten Ways to Help Anxious Children

 

Children often do not know why they are anxious; they just know that they are experiencing discomfort. We may notice what is happening before they are able to express their feelings verbally. The following actions give us a clue:

• What if questions
• Repetitive preparations
• Needing objects for security, either to hold or hide behind
• Stuttering or mumbling
• Dropping things, tripping, or falling
• Looking down to avoid eye contact, or looking elsewhere, as if wary of danger
• Shoulders slumped forward

Anxious feelings are based on doubt and fear. When we are filled with fear, our body systems try to protect our delicate organs. Our extremities become cold. We are drained of energy, and we move differently than when we are strong and confident.

As adults, we have a profound effect on the children in our world. When they are anxious, there are many things we can do to help calm their minds and hearts. The following are ten of them:

1. Get down on the child's level. Our proximity alone provides the child with a sense of importance. When we are close to them and look them in the eye, we let them know that whatever is troubling them is important to us.
2. Talk softly and slowly. The tone of our voice, its cadence and rhythm will either escalate the child’s anxiety or provide a calming influence. Talking softly allows us to be on more intimate terms with the child. Speaking slowly soothes jittery nerves and slows the heart rate.
3. Listen actively. Once we are close and personal with the child, they will feel comfortable sharing their innermost feelings. We nod and comment to let the child know we are hearing what is being said. Our undivided attention encourages open dialogue and allows the ready sharing of thoughts and feelings.
4. Reflect what is being said. Reflecting back to the child what we hear they are saying or feeling gives them words to identify fears and verbalize discomfort. We add understanding to the situation and help the child work through it more effectively.
5. Give physical affection, if and when appropriate. Our soft touch will provide feelings of comfort and help them to relax. Note that this is only appropriate if we have a relationship of trust with the child and are a close relative or friend.
6. Provide reassurance. Words that provide reassurance include but are not limited to the following phrases: “Things will be all right,” “I am sure that you will find out soon,” “It’s okay to be afraid,” and “You are important to me. I will stay with you while we work this out.”
7. Breathe deeply together. Deep breathing allows the body to relax and alleviates anxious feelings. When we breathe deeply with the child, we are teaching them a calming technique and giving them a pattern to follow when they are alone.
8. Pray together. Prayer activates our faith and dispels doubt and fear. Praying with an anxious child gives them the confidence to approach God on their own when they are having difficulty.
9. Make preparations for future events. Preparing provides concrete action that calms anxious feelings. It gives us something to do while we are waiting for an event to happen, especially when we do not know what the outcome will be.
10. Check in with the child after the event. Our presence after a difficult event gives the child a chance to process what happened and transfer positive memories for long term storage and later retrieval. When we let them know that they continue to be important to us we increase their feelings of confidence and worth.

These ten ways not only calm an anxious child, but they give the most important gift that we as adults have to give, our unconditional love. Like a gentle spring rain, we provide life giving nourishment that has a profound effect on the children in our world. We know that we have succeeded when we see them providing the same service to their peers!

No is Not a Four-Letter Word

 

“No” is not a four-letter word. Now really, that sounds a bit absurd to think that when we say “no” we swear and use God’s name in vain or don’t care. Rather “No” is a way to protect our own worth that we were born with here on this earth. It is a way to keep others from taking advantage of us or throwing us under a passing bus.

We say “No” when others try to step on our toes, or we don’t like the way a situation goes. If our calendar is full and a request is made, “No” keeps us from thinking we must make a grade and saying “Yes” just to please another when we really don’t have the time to muster. “No” is simply the easiest way to keep that hounding temptation at bay.

“No” helps us stay pure and clean and white while others are having to suffer from blight that came into being when they said “Yes” instead of holding up under duress. It’s the easiest way to arrive home on time to family and friends, and clocks that chime, with all your money still in your hand, you see, rather than spending it on a shopping spree.

We all know, however, there will come a time, when we cannot say “No,” as we will be in that line that enters the great towering clouds above, and we will be surrounded by those arms of love. Then we will look through tears of joy and know that we said it enough when we were down here below. We kept ourselves free from temptation and snare, and now we are ready to happily share!